May 11, 2011

A good friend flew over here to London to spend her birthday with me. She did not want to celebrate it with so-called German strangers. The difficulty in living overseas is definitely making new friends, the ones which last. But at this point, I know realize I have more than enough to last me a lifetime. 

What really struck me was when I was told that I had seemingly abandoned my ex. He was deeply hurt. I was too. But maybe I did hurt him more by not giving him the chance to do anything at all. It's been more than 2 1/2 years. Guilt has overcome me as I do it again to another person, the one whom I now care for so much. 

I have difficulty studying. I am not emotionally prepared to face the challenges right now. If someone would ask me if I am happy right now, I would say no. They would definitely think I am crazy for wasting this opportunity. 

I don't know what to do. I don't know where this will lead me. All I ask for is fulfillment. I did not comprehend that I was asking for too much.