May 23rd

Half hearted. I wanted it to be real. I was so into it kissing it like a lollipop. I did not feel demeaned. But I was so wishing there was that spark. The aftermath was what I wanted - holding hands while sleeping together. But I still felt something was missing. I had wanted it to be something that it still wasn't. I was crushed. Was I being taught a lesson? What had I done before to be punished like this? Or maybe I have hurt so many people and this was the only way I could pay. I wanted to weep. But no tears fell down. All I could do was hope.