Outside looking in

Picture the life you dreamed of living, the person you pictured being with. Picture the job you dreamed you’d have. Are you living the life you envisioned for yourself? Are you who you wanted to be when you grew up?
…
How’s the view? Do you like what you see? Think back again to when you were little. Are you living the life you pictured for yourself? Or are you still dreaming of something bigger? 

Meredith Grey (Season11, Ep.18-When I Grow Up)

All is lost

This is one of the loneliest times of my life. When I am neither here nor there. When all I could think about is the one I had to give up for a hope that never flourished. The memories of hurting someone else keep on haunting me. Maybe I am being punished for something I did in another life. For all its worth, I could not claim that I am strong. I do know I will survive. But something in me has changed. I no longer am a happy person. I revel in the melancholy. But peace manages to elude me as I lie awake at night thinking of the future that may not be as I had wanted. I have indeed stopped dreaming. 

Definitely, Maybe Again

• April: “Forget about the 'real' deal. You don’t find it, it finds you …you know, when you are ready for marriage, a mortgage … the person that you are with THEN is the one.”

• Will: “So, it’s not WHO; it’s WHEN?”

Hoping Steinbeck is correct

If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

- John Steinbeck on falling in love

A conquest

I conquered a mountain

But I have not been able to conquer my feelings for you

I continue to be mad

I persist to lose sight of myself

My dreams begin to fade away

I just want to disappear

If I have endurance to withstand the climb

Then maybe I can bear this

For how long 

I don't know.

Gradually

I saw Bruce today.

My heart sank 

Sadness engulfed me

Is there still hope in me

I wonder.

Colourblind

Eagerly waiting for the new colours that will ensconce my being. Will it be red and gearing up for a fight? Will it be blue to symbolise peace? Will it be green in the hopes of a better tomorrow. I know not but just to trust Him.

Never surrender

Every thing she says 

Indicates that you never liked me

That everything was a lie

Makes it hurt more

More than you can ever know

I don't know what to feel anymore

Numb

Lost 

Nothing to hope for

I needed you to tell me straight 

That there can never be 

With absolute certainty 

Until then

I continue to have faith

And believe. 

The hinge

The final cut

My mind was saying go

But my heart was saying no.

I had latched myself onto a hope

That may never come to fruition

I kept on telling myself it will be okay

But I know it never will

I could actually bear the inconveniences

But maybe to avoid Casper 

And to forget Derek

I really had to go.

I feel so alone

I could not tell anyone.

Maybe someday I will look back at this and say this was the real turning point in my life

I don't know what to do

I could only cling on and beg for His Mercy

I long for the day when the sun will shine again.

So many tears have been shed for a year.

I don't think there's anymore left in me. 

Thy will be done. And let me accept thy will.