All is lost

This is one of the loneliest times of my life. When I am neither here nor there. When all I could think about is the one I had to give up for a hope that never flourished. The memories of hurting someone else keep on haunting me. Maybe I am being punished for something I did in another life. For all its worth, I could not claim that I am strong. I do know I will survive. But something in me has changed. I no longer am a happy person. I revel in the melancholy. But peace manages to elude me as I lie awake at night thinking of the future that may not be as I had wanted. I have indeed stopped dreaming.