Downward Spiral

Was it worth taking the risk of letting go? Of imagining myself going into something worth it? Of now hurting my mother because things are not going the way it should be? Of feeling inadequate in every sense of the word? Of being in a high state only to plunge in the abyss in a short span? I knew what I wanted. I had wanted someone like him. The old flame was knocking at my door and I knew I did not want to settle. I am downcast. And the worst part is I don't know why he pulled the plug. God does have a strange sense of humour. It's not funny. It hurts. What to do next I know not what. 

May 23rd

Half hearted. I wanted it to be real. I was so into it kissing it like a lollipop. I did not feel demeaned. But I was so wishing there was that spark. The aftermath was what I wanted - holding hands while sleeping together. But I still felt something was missing. I had wanted it to be something that it still wasn't. I was crushed. Was I being taught a lesson? What had I done before to be punished like this? Or maybe I have hurt so many people and this was the only way I could pay. I wanted to weep. But no tears fell down. All I could do was hope. 

May 16

Today was a day of mourning for the loss of a good friend. Today was a day of reckoning for a great love that had to end. Today was a day of turning over a new leaf with a chance to be forgiven. Today was again seeing the light in the hopes that everything will be alright. I smile knowing that hope in me is simmering, praying for a love that is true and lasting in His time and according to His will. May 16, 2015 will certainly be a day to remember. 

Terry's was great

The peak of sadness was replaced by a renewed sense of hope. Guilt that ate me was replaced by a different kind of high. How is it possible that I could feel these conflicting emotions all at the same time?  I looked forward to an uncertain future with a sense of anticipation, that maybe things will work out right. Just like the tawilis dipped in olive oil with balsamic vinegar, I longed for the good to burst out of its confines and provide a revitalised me. 

The Fourth Time

A disturbance in the force caused me to give up a love so deep. There was no such thing as forever. I can only hope she can forgive me. I can only hope God will illuminate my path once again.

Evergreen

I didn't know what to expect. For one week, my head has been full of mush. Should I think out loud? It was now or never.