Downward Spiral

Was it worth taking the risk of letting go? Of imagining myself going into something worth it? Of now hurting my mother because things are not going the way it should be? Of feeling inadequate in every sense of the word? Of being in a high state only to plunge in the abyss in a short span? I knew what I wanted. I had wanted someone like him. The old flame was knocking at my door and I knew I did not want to settle. I am downcast. And the worst part is I don't know why he pulled the plug. God does have a strange sense of humour. It's not funny. It hurts. What to do next I know not what.